The Rise of Redneck Stand-up Paddleboarding June 15, 2012
It appears, from the evidence of these pictures, that the SUP culture can harmonize with the huntin’ and fishin’ culture of the rednecks and their northern counterparts. [The site he got them from is in Florida, so strictly speaking these are Florida Crackers, a kind of hybrid between rednecks and Jimmy Buffett parrotheads.] Perhaps boards and paddles will soon be on sale at Cabela’s, the famous chain of huntin’ and fishin’ stores that is a major institution in the outer Midwest and has made Sidney, Nebraska, a major retail mecca. Vacuum-waterproof containers are available for those who wish to bring iPhones and listen to their music, or read their e-mail, or play games, out on the water; for those with a somewhat more old fashioned addiction still somewhat popular in redneck country, it is quite possible to put in those vacuum containers a lighter and a pack of cigarettes.
But one thing for sure, no political candidate need now fear being thought unmanly for being caught doing SUP. I remember the fate of poor John Kerry in 2004, who was branded as unmanly for being found out windsurfing. For the information of these people, windsurfing is a far more difficult and challenging sport than SUP, and one is dependent on the winds in windsurfing [well, by definition] in a way that one is not in SUP. [Though SUP paddling upwind is slow and tedious and you need to allow the time for it if you are in the situation of having to do it.] And as I remember, Kerry was also called unmanly because he speaks relatively good French. I always understood that about half the French speakers in the world were in fact male, whatever that may mean. I mean, there were plenty of reasons to vote against him that were rational; these were rather silly. What will we see next? Dick Cheney on a paddleboard with guns